Sometimes, I don't blog because I have nothing to say. Sometimes, I don't blog because I have too much to say. Despite appearances that suggest otherwise, I do have good blogging boundaries and don't share everything here. For example, I refuse to tell you how much Velveeta is in my fridge at this very moment. See? I have to maintain some sense of mystery. So, what has been going on with me that has kept me from writing? Angst, mostly. I am a person that struggles to live in the moment. I am also a person prone to excessive worry. You can imagine the joy and light that this combination brings to life. My frustration with my job combined with the post-holiday slump and my never-ending worries about my kids have left me a little wiped out. Today, however, I can see that I am moving through it.
When I first started in Adult Protection, a very experienced worker (and wise man) invited me to accompany him on one of his client visits. I don't remember the specifics of the situation but I do remember it was horrible. Afterwards, my mind was swirling and I said something like, "Oh my god! What can you do about this?! Where do you begin?! What good can possibly come of all of this?!" He then spoke the four wisest words I've ever heard - "More will be revealed". This is true in my work and true in life. Sometimes, I lose sight of the fact that I don't have to know everything right this minute. I don't have to have all of the answers now. I just have to continue on, knowing that the path is always illuminated as we go.
This means that I have to keep working at my job though I know that I must make a change at some point. What that change will be will become more clear in time. I need to return to the things that feed my soul like writing, blogging, video projects and music. I need to love my children and stop worrying that they will end up living in my basement taking my Social Security checks and spending all my money on cable television and Twinkies. That is not the inevitable outcome of their refusal to set the table and take out the recycling. More will be revealed. Today, I remember that but tomorrow, as always, could be another story.