Yesterday, I cried a lot and was so despondent that I ate a Sourpatch Kid that I found on my bedroom floor. I'm not even ashamed because it was delicious. Today, I've been able to stick to food on plates and candy from the dwindling Halloween surplus. I actually cracked a couple of jokes today - gallows humor but jokes nonetheless. I'm still feeling fragile so I'm not reading think pieces or engaging on social media much and I'm finding it hard to write. However, before the election, I vowed to look for the light and I'm trying.
So, 'm offering two things that lifted me up today.
1. I took my daughter to see an orthodontist today. It was our first time and when he asked about our family's dental history, I gave mine and then mentioned that we didn't have any information about her donor's dental history. He didn't blink so I was feeling good and then later in the conversation, he talked to Zeca about braces and made a casual reference to "mom and dad." I was disappointed but this happens more often than you think and I didn't even bother to correct him. Have I mentioned that I'm tired? Anyway, we finished the appointment and went out the desk to discuss the financials and the doctor then asked to see me privately. I panicked and thought of all the things that might be horribly wrong with my daughter's teeth that he didn't want to mention in front of her. Like maybe one was filled with spiders or they were going to have to put a T-rex implant in or something. He took me into a room and apologized to me for his reference to "mom and dad" and said that he was better than that and wanted to make sure that I knew that. His apology was genuine and I thanked him for it. Over the years, we've experienced many slips like this and I don't think anyone has ever taken the time to acknowledge the mistake and apologize for it. He dealt with it head on and earned my respect in the process. It did my heart good.
2. Music has always been a comfort to me during difficult times. I spent some time today trying to figure out which song would make me feel better. How do you strike a balance between sad and hopeful. I knew I didn't want anything that tried to tell me everything was going to be all right because I'm not there yet and may never get there. Eventually, I returned to Rise Up by Andra Day - the same song I listened to after the Pulse nightclub shootings. In this version, she speaks at the beginning about helping each other. I will rise up for all who are scared and hurting right now.