Sometimes, I see other moms in the wild and think they seem so much older than me. I don't mean that in a bad way but in a "she looks like the modern archetype of a mother" way. I rarely feel like the modern archetype of a mother, especially when I'm wearing Keens and a hoodie and look more like the modern archetype of a teen boy. I wonder if people see me with my kids and think I'm the fun aunt (I am choosing not to be bitter about the one time I was mistaken for Zeca's grandmother) or if they too see me as a mom and, if they do, do I seem like I have everything under control? Most of the time, I feel like I do. Everyone gets to where they need to go when they need to be there. I make breakfasts and pack lunches and make sure dinner is on the table. When Luisa is gone, I hold down the fort and keep the home fires burning and all that, though details do slip through the cracks from time to time
This week, Luisa was in Atlanta and I made homemade banana bread so the kids would have a treat for breakfast. I also made a great lasagna even on a night we had soccer. I got the kids to and from school, nordic skiing practice, futsal and a soccer game.I even did laundry and folded it. Folding the laundry is not my strong suit. I did all of these things while also writing what feels like thousands of words each day.
Things have slipped a little in the past couple of days, however. Yesterday, I realized that I washed my favorite ear buds because I forgot them in the pocket of a hoodie after running. Today, I forgot to pick up a friend's kid at school. Don't worry--it all turned out fine. No children were harmed in the making of this mistake. On days like these, I feel even less like the modern archetype of a mom and definitely more like the teen who was left at home to run the household.
But, tomorrow, I'll get up and try again. I'll slice some banana bread for the kids in the morning and remember that I do plenty of things right. I'll remember to check pockets when I do laundry. Oh, and I'll remember to put every single thing on my calendar from now on because, clearly, I can't hold onto all the details all the time. Maybe we're all doing these same things--making mistakes and trying to do better. Maybe we're all trying to be more compassionate with ourselves. I hope so. I'm trying.