Ugly Kittens


Several weeks ago, I was at the pet store with the kids and there were kittens available for adoption. There were two adorable black and white kittens that seemed to say, "Hi! What are you doing? It's so great to see you! We love people and would like to live with you and bring our cuteness to your house!" There was also an orange tabby with asymmetrical markings and a bad attitude that seemed to say, "I hate people in general and you specifically. Please do not look at me as you are not worthy of my attention." Zeca and I said that if we could adopt another kitten, we would take one of the cute black and white kittens. Miguel said he would adopt the ugly orange tabby because he worried that no one would want it. Yes, he has a tender heart and that's why I know that he'll spend his entire life saying something like, "No! That's not a hairless three legged rat with a growling lisp! That's my cat!" to every person who visits his home.

This all came back to me today when I was introduced to Kitten War, a site where you vote on the cutest kitten in an endless stream of match ups. I voted for a few kittens and then realized how many ugly kittens there are in the world.

That experience inspired the following poem that was composed on Written? Kitten:

Ode to an Ugly Kitten

I see you, Kitten With your fuzzy face and tiny nose and shiny eyes Your tiny paws that claw at the heart But I have to say - You are an ugly kitten. I didn't think such a thing was possible But you proved me wrong. Now I am sad and also angry Because you had only one job, Kitten - To be cute. And you effed it up. I will now call you Disappointment Kitten Because that is what now claws at my heart You need to up your game. You cannot rest on your feline laurels And assume the world will bow before you. Get on it.

For those who aren't familiar with Written? Kitten, you set a word count goal and then you get a picture of a kitten when you hit that goal. I set a goal of 100 words and my poem came in at 112 and you know what happened? I didn't get my kitten! You know what else happened? Wordpress ate the first draft of this post! Kittens are trying to suppress the truth!