Summoning the Muse


I am a serious writer and I write very serious things. I am also a person who wants to help other writers because I am a kind and generous person. So, I am going to give you a peek into my own writing process with the hope that you might be able to find wisdom in my example. I have an essay due tomorrow and, today, I needed to spin gold from straw. That's a saying, right? If not, I just made it up! See - writer!

So, how do I summon the Muse? Here is my advice based on my own experience today:

  1. Sit down at desk. Stare out the window and notice the window is dirty. Tell yourself that cleaning the window would be a waste of your writing time so clean your glasses instead.
  2. Spin chair from left to right while staring at the computer screen. Spin 360 degrees but only once because serious writers do not spin in their chairs like children.
  3. Stare at screen and lick your lips. Your lips are chapped. Go find some lip balm.
  4. Apply lip balm generously. Spin one more time in chair because you forgot you already spun in the chair.
  5. Go downstairs and get a can of sparkling water and then return to your desk.
  6. Drink sparkling water and play one game of Candy Crush. Only one.
  7. two games of Candy Crush.
  8. Google "Level 245 Candy Crush is killing me" and feel at one with the citizens of the internet.
  9. Write 159 words. Reread those words over and over until you hate them.
  10. Delete 147 words because the other 12 are brilliant!
  11. Where's the cat? Find the cat and wake it up and give it unwanted kisses.
  12. Reread the 12 words. Realize they are horrible. You are a hack! Those are the worst 12 words ever written! Delete the 12 words.
  13. Text a friend to tell her how much you hate what you are writing.
  14. Visit and watch rolling waves and then think about downloading the app on your phone.
  15. Pick up your phone to download the app and notice you have a new life in Candy Crush! Resist the temptation. Put the phone out of reach.
  16. Stare at computer screen and then, when you hear screaming, mediate a fight between children. Source of fight? Stolen stick of gum. Tell the children to be quiet because you are writing!
  17. Write 223 words. You are hitting your stride! Don't stop now!
  18. While staring at your hands on the keyboard, notice that your nails are long. Trim nails. While in the bathroom, redo your hair.
  19. Notice it's cold. Ponder the age-old question - blanket or poncho? The answer is always blanket because you don't have a poncho. Ponchos are funny. Giggle about ponchos.
  20. Remember that you promised to blog every day. Stop working on the essay and blog!
  21. Try to remember what you were doing...