I realized today that I have been writing 9 blog posts every week since the beginning of November. This would explain why I mentioned to my fellow blogger, Laurie, that I am tired of my own writing voice. Laurie gave me all sorts of great suggestions for posts including a Thanksgiving post entitled, "Hey! That pilgrim has two moms!" That was a missed opportunity for sure.

She suggested lists and interviews and I ignored her so that I could continue to gnash my blogging teeth (which are not at all like real teeth - not as sharp and no need to floss).

Then days passed and I became increasingly desperate so I decided to interview Laurie by text...about 15 minutes ago.

Laurie was difficult to interview and taunted the interviewer at several points during our discussion. I was amazing, however, and should probably have my own internet talk show. I asked questions that no one else ever asks.

I'll share the highlights with you now:

Vikki: Let's talk about your fear of Keebler clowns...

Laurie: Ugh.

Vikki: Dream pet?

Laurie: Boston Terrier.

Vikki: Name of the dog and would you make the dog wear a sweater when it's cold outside?

Laurie: Hmmm...I have to think about a name. That is a big commitment. Bostons aren't hardy dogs, so they may need a sweater for walks but they also loathe clothing. So it's a catch 22.

Vikki: What is your favorite fruit and why? Mine is banana because it's tidy.

Laurie: Blackberries. Because they are pretty and they taste good. Also they are great in smoothies AND in cocktails. They are the perfect food.

Vikki: What if you woke up one day and Boots, your sweater bedecked Boston Terrier, was made of butter?

Laurie: Weird.

Vikki: What would you do?

Laurie: My DOG was made of butter? That is sick, Vikki. Cat people are weird. Cry? I am really serious about my dogs. Blame it on you?

A brief interlude in which I gave Laurie the history of the butter question. I just searched this blog and realized that I've never written about the butter question. How is that even possible? A story for another day...

Vikki: What if you woke up and one of your hands was a lime?

Laurie: I hope to hell it's my right one. A left lime hand would cripple me.

Vikki: What is your favorite cocktail?

Laurie: Margaritas if they are made correctly. Also a mojo - Vanilla Stoli, Blenheim Ginger Ale and lime.

Vikki: Sushi or fish tacos?

Laurie: Trick question!

Vikki: Ha!

Laurie: Fish tacos.

Vikki: Of course.

Vikki: Mountains or beach.

Laurie: Beach at all times. I want to go there now. Why am I here? This sucks.

Vikki: If you were stranded in a boat in the middle of the lake with no way to call for help, how many miles would it take for Train A to pass Train B?

Laurie (without missing a beat): 27

Vikki: Who would win in an epic cage battle between Herme the Dentist and Piglet?

Laurie: I feel like Piglet would kill Herme with his mind. Herme's destined to be the underdog and Piglet has been beaten down for too many years.

Vikki: You think Piglet is smarter than Herme? Piglet has no marketable skills.

Laurie: Probably.

Vikki: No way.

Laurie: You gave me two of the most boring cage match contestants in recorded fictional history. I had very fragile straws to grasp at.

Vikki: Why are you picking on the interviewer? You need handlers.

An aside...there are no boring cage match contestants. This was a nuanced question clearly lost on the subject of my interview.

Vikki: If you could be the main character in a novel, who would you be?

Laurie: That's hard. I can't think.

Vikki: I win! I won the interview!

Laurie: This is a contest?

Vikki: I just made it one. Best interview ever, right? You have to give me credit for unusual questions.

Laurie: No. I just haven't come up with my ANSWER YET. This isn't Jeopardy.

Vikki: Don't be a sore interview loser.

A few texts of irrelevant smack talk...

Vikki: You're just bitter because Herme would whoop Piglet's ass! #teamHerme #gayemoelf

Laurie: He's gay?

Hours lapse (or minutes - time moves faster when it involves technology)...

Laurie: I actually think of myself as a modern day Jo March. Not very exciting.

Vikki: I should read that book since people always talk about it.

Laurie: I want to be the main character in that book where the smart, financially successful writer lives by the ocean part of the year and in NYC the other part, and travels a lot and is madly in love. You know, whatever book that is.

Vikki: The one you write. You are the writer of your own life.

BOOM! I'm like the love child of Ellen and Oprah. That last sentence is trademarked by the way so pay me a quarter every time you use it - even if you are using it ironically.

That concludes my interview with Laurie of Laurie Writes. Tune in next time for...well...I don't know yet.

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