Yesterday, I went to get new glasses. There is no way this could be relevant to you and yet here I am pretending that it is. The first step to getting new glasses is making an eye appointment. Look at me - already dropping the wisdom on you. I hate making medical appointments of any kind and need to strike it rich so that I can hire a personal assistant to do it for me because Luisa is getting tired of doing it. I kid! Kinda. I did make my own eye appointment though and actually went to the appointment so I think I deserve some kind of reward...like maybe a personal assistant!
The second step to getting new glasses is sitting awkwardly in a chair while a stranger looks deeply into your eyes and says, "Which is better - one or two? Two or four? Three or eight? One or eight?" Then, for the grand finale, they dilate your eyes and shine lights in them until you are blind. Blinding you guarantees future business.
The third step to getting new glasses is having an intense but short-lived relationship with someone who pretends to know what you are looking for in frames and what looks good on you. For me, this meant that we had several awkward initial interactions during which my pal tried to show me oversized women's sunglass frames. He was teachable, however, and responded well to my declaration, "I really prefer androgynous frames". So, then I tried on approximately 3262 frames while still partially blinded from the dilation. It occurred to me that if I could not see to sign my credit card receipt, I might not be the best judge of what looks good on my face in that moment. But, I persevered and picked out new frames for sunglasses (I'm keeping my frames for my regular glasses).
Fear not! The picture accompanying this post does not reflect the sunglass frames I chose.
At least I don't think so.
I guess we'll see in two weeks.