Remember when I used to ramble on about nothing and you would read it and find it funny and/or weird and then leave comments and then we would laugh - oh how we would laugh - and then we'd go about our days thinking about chipmunks that could juggle acorns? Those were the days. Can we have those days again? Or at least a day of that again? Like maybe today? Let's try. So, our kitten is crazy sometimes. Sometimes she sleeps by my head and sometimes she spoons Luisa. It's weird because she is still tiny but she carves out a two foot wide space between me and my lady love and then takes turns lovin' one of us up. I think she's trying to break us up. Unrelated to lesbian divorce, today she ate through my head phones while she was sitting on my boobs and I didn't even notice until the music stopped. She is a stealth head phone eater and it is not adorable at all. Now, I have to wear my "workout" headphones that fit tightly in my ears so they don't fall out when I "run". The problem with these headphones is that they go deep into me wee little ear canals and then I feel like I can't breathe. The same things happens when I wear ear plugs - I feel like I'm suffocating. Sometimes, I want to wear ear plugs so that I don't hear the kids coughing and I know that makes me seem like a bad mother but sometimes the coughing never stops and the kids don't wake up and they don't care and they're just like HACK SNORE HACK SNORE HACK SNORE while I'm like OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU BUT DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR POST NASAL DRIP! Anyway, about the deep probing ear buds/ear plugs, I think that I must breathe through my ears...like maybe I have gills in there and am some sort type of ear-breathing fishperson. This makes my life hard and, if I suffocate today while listening to Nicki Minaj, I want the kitten tried for murder as an adult. Someone write that down.
I am currently sitting in a writing studio downtown and I have a beautiful view of the Metrodome. Actually, it's only "beautiful" if you like lots of power lines, gray skies and dingy domes covered in purple. I don't - these are not a few of my favorite things. The other thing about the studio today is that it smells like calamari. I love calamari but I associate it with Surly Furious because that's what I always get when I go to Sea Salt. This is what's called a paired stimulus. You know about Pavlov and his dogs, right? He paired a stimulus with the appearance of food and the dogs salivated and eventually they salivated when the stimulus was presented without any food at all. Well, when I smell calamari, I want a Surly Furious but I don't want one today because I ate too many Cheez-its so now the smell is making me want something that makes me nauseous. I blame Pavlov. I also blame the dogs.
So, now I've blamed kittens and dogs. What other animal can I blame? A woodchuck? I learned something very valuable when I was in New Jersey a couple weeks back. I found out that woodchucks and groundhogs are the same things. I seriously had no idea. So, I wrote a little poem to honor this information and I will share it with you now:
How many logs could a groundhog hog
If a groundhog could hog logs?
Profound, don't you think?
Well, I have no more animal anecdotes for you so I'm going to leave you and go get a latte because I'm sure it will help with my upset stomach and gerbil brain.
p.s. I wrote a post about being a soccer parent over at Aiming Low. Check it out: The Cardinal Sins of a Soccer Parent