Instant Gratification

If you’ve read this blog for any time, you know many things about me. You know that I’m queer and that I have a partner and kids and that I have weird dreams and that I like a good cocktail and that I’m a pop culture junkie and that I overanalyze things and that I have beautiful silver hair as soft as a chinchilla. Okay, you don’t know about the soft part because as much I love you – no one touches my hair. Well, that’s not entirely true. I allow my family to touch my hair on Sundays when I don’t use product. But, if I knew you well enough for hair-touching AND it was Sunday, you would know that my hair is so soft that you’d want to make a coat out of it. Fortunately, most of you will never know its softness which will spare me from being hunted to the point of extinction. There is no way to transition from that paragraph to the point of this post so sing a little song to yourself which will serve as a musical interlude between these two seemingly unrelated pieces of writing. 

I get hooked on TV shows but usually not until they’ve been cancelled. I don't watch a lot of  TV because I don’t have a DVR and network television drives me crazy with all the commercials. I don’t have the patience to sit through commercials that neither educate nor entertain me. I’ve very high-brow. That’s why Netflix Instant and I are now in a polyamorous relationship. You know what I like about Netflix Instant? The instant part – have you not been paying attention? Anyway, friends recommended that I watch Arrested Development so I started the series in November when Luisa was traveling and finished a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, everything that happens in life now reminds me of something from Arrested Development which went off the air in 2006. For those with mathmagical skills, that means it went off the air 5 years ago. Given that few people watched the show in the first place and it was cancelled 5 years ago, the pool of people interested in my Arrested Development references and quotes is a very tiny one. This makes me sad. This also makes me look crazy and I don’t like to look crazy, insane ramblings about chinchillas aside.

In order to cure myself of Arrested Development, I immediately started watching Better Off Ted as part of a Portia de Rossi rabbit hole since she starred in both Arrested Development and Better off Ted. A Portia de Rossi rabbit hole is so much better than a Gwyneth Paltrow rabbit hole. Trust me on this one. Anyway, I finished Better off Ted last night and now everything that happens in life reminds me of something from Better Off Ted which was seen be even fewer people than Arrested Development. This makes me sad. This also makes me look crazy and my feelings about this are clearly documented in the paragraph above.

The only answer to my problem (and by “problem” I don’t mean the horrible image of a Vikki-hair coat that will now haunt us all) is for everyone to watch these two shows. So, you should do that and to pique your interest I offer the following quotes:

From Arrested Development: 

Michael: So, you just finished off the bottle? Lindsay: Well, I had to. It's vodka, you know. It goes bad once it's opened. Michael: I think that's another one of mom's little fibs. You know, like, “I'll sacrifice anything for my children.”

 From Better Off Ted:

Veronica: So this is guilt, huh? In the past, I've always just counteracted this feeling with other emotions, like sugar or drunk.

From Better Off Ted (so the quotes aren't so alcohol heavy):

Ted: With the public's trust at stake, we all gave depositions. Veronica had done it before and so knew just what to say... or how little to say. Female Lawyer: Were you involved in the development of this product? Veronica: Yes. Female Lawyer: And how would you summarize the company's reaction when they found out that the women who used this product were savagely attacked by insects? Veronica: Ouch. Female Lawyer: Will you elaborate on that, please? Veronica: No. Female Lawyer: Can you describe your job? Veronica: Yes. Female Lawyer: How would you describe your job? Veronica: Cleverly

Go forth and watch. I'll just sit here and wait...muttering quotes and laughing to myself...