It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything because I’ve been hanging out in my hammock drinking incredibly alcoholic cocktails out of coconuts while watching the sun set over the ocean. I wish. The truth is that I’ve been lying on the couch covered in blankets drinking hot tea and watching cars slide by on black ice. I don’t even like tea but I’m doing everything possible to keep my blood from turning to ice. The holiday season is upon us and it feels, quite literally, upon me. I have Christmas tree sap on my knuckles and it won’t come off. It smells good though so pay no attention to the woman sniffing her hand. Unless the woman is not me – then, you should get away from her as quickly as possible because that’s just weird. Just last weekend, I was telling Luisa that we were so on top of the Christmas preparations and she was like, “Um…Christmas is next week” and then I felt edgy but I valiantly fought the urge to take to my bed and that is how I ended up at Toys R Us last Saturday with Zeca in tow. I am prone to hyperbole but, seriously, I did not think that I would get out of that place alive. I expected to be suffocated, trampled or flat out assaulted. I started out with a cart but eventually ditched it, grabbed Zeca’s hand and began screaming, “RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!” It was like the running of the bulls but without the cheering and, thankfully, the horns. Zeca was unfazed by the crowd and kept shooting me looks like, “Woman – what is your problem?” We did survive and then went to Starbucks for celebratory chocolate milk. Well, Zeca had chocolate milk. I had heart palpitations. ‘Tis the season, fa la la la la.
So, this week has been spent catching up on things. We went to see the Macy’s display “Life of an Elf” which looked really inviting. I just might start flying around on hot air balloons, chiseling chocolate from giant Hershey kisses and hanging out with singing Christmas trees. I think I’d fit in nicely with the elves except for the fact that I am so big that I would always be hitting my head on the ceiling of the elf quarters and would probably weigh down the hot air balloon. Still, I’m jolly and play well with others. In addition to the elf business, we also made a big batch of sugar cookies and tonight we’ll get to decorate them and then I’ll get to spend the next few weeks sweeping tiny, colored sugar crystals off the floor because the kids never seem to learn that sometimes less is more.
I hope to post more in the next week or so but, until then, I leave you with this. See...I knew I'd make a great elf.