When Chapstick Lesbians Do Hair

Oh wikiHow, you have failed me! I have searched your wise archives and, while I now know how to survive a freestyle rap battle, I cannot figure out how to give my daughter the beautiful pigtails she so desires. I happen to have an astonishing lack of hairstyling coordination. In high school, I was the the girl with the permanent curling iron burn on her forehead. As for Luisa, well, she can rewire electrical outlets but ponytails confound her. We have short hair for a reason. Zeca, however, wants long hair, ponytails and pigtails. On Monday morning, Miguel asked, "Zeca, have you ever seen a woman with long hair?" as if such women are only rumoured to exist. So, what do two clumsy, short haired women do when their daughter wants "ponies"? I offer you our impressive photo resume of hairstylin' glory...


We call this Ode to Pebbles. Please note how we surprisingly included part of her bangs in the ponytail on top. Why did we not use all of the bangs to create a consistent look? Well, that would be too easy.


This one is a masterpiece. Note that the pigtails are uneven in every possible direction, up/down and forward/back. Most people couldn't do this if they tried. What you can't see is that we also added a stubby ponytail in the back because more is better, right?


Sometimes, we even trim bangs. By "we", I mean Luisa. Behold her handiwork! The look on Zeca's face says, "What have you done to me?"


Life was so much easier when Zeca looked like this. This hair? This hair we can manage.

It's time to buy Ponytails for Dummies.