Egg Nog: The Silent Killer

I love the idea of eggnog kind of like my mother loves the idea of having grandchildren. You think it will be fabulous and fill you with warmhearted feelings but then you end up fat and sick. My mother hasn't actually gotten fat from her grandchildren but I do think that she secretly gets sick of them. Eggnog makes me feel festive. It makes me want to don a cable knit fisherman's sweater and a red plaid scarf and sing a few carols with friends as we all smile at each other, our eyes twinkling with glee. It makes me crave candlelight and wreaths and maybe some holly. Eggnog makes me imagine that my family could be perfect and beautiful and have a Christmas that is worthy of a photo spread in some glossy magazine...kind of like the Kennedys, only sober and happy.

The problem with eggnog is that you have to drink it. That's when the dream dies for me because drinking it is like drinking cold, flavored raw eggs. Why? Oh yes, because that is was eggnog is. If the taste and consistency doesn't get you, food borne pathogens will! Yet, every year, I buy eggnog. Every year, I drink a cup. Every year, I stand quietly and listen while my stomach sings a Christmas dirge.

Today, I had an eggnog latte from Starbucks. I must be the world's greatest optimist. In case you were wondering, it tasted like eggnog. I'll go remove my red plaid scarf now...

Kristin said...

I can't believe that Luisa hasn't included Eggnog in her list of Universal Precautions

7:31 AM

Emptyman said...

Wait... like the Kennedy family, only sober, but with eggnog? How do they make eggnog in the Midwest? Around here it doesn't keep one sober.If you've been drinking non-alcoholic eggnog, then there's the problem right there. Add a lot of bourbon and brandy.

8:24 AM

Vikki said...

Yes, I know that people add alcohol to the nog but no amount of alcohol in the world will change the taste.I think I'll just drink the alcohol and skip the eggs.

8:52 AM

Colleen said...
Eggnog is a taste I have yet to acquire. Shane loves the stuff and buys it by the gallon. My children have somehow gotten the eggnog gene as well, but their have not been any salmanella scares at our house yet. I can choke it down after I let it sit with several ice cubes and cinnamin sprinkled on the top. Otherwise to me it tastes alittle like sour milk mixed with rotten eggs. Fa la la la la, la. la. la. la!

9:02 AM

Luisa said...
I believe that the eggnog that is sold commercially may actually have cooked eggs. There is a way to cook them that does not affect the consistency. I myself would not touch the stuff with a "39 foot and a half pole"!

12:40 PM

Anonymous said...
OK I KNOW I SHOULD GET MY OWN BLOG...BUT I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE FOR IT....WHEN I READ THIS NEWS IN THE NEW YORK TIMES THIS MORNING...IT JUST GAVE ME PAUSE...AND WONDER...DO THE PRSIDENT AND VICE PRESIDENT ACTUALLY HAVE CONVERSATIONS? PEACE......LEIGHWednesday, December 06, 2006 Cheney 'looking forward' to lesbian daughter's baby WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Vice President Dick Cheney is happy his openly-gay daughter is expecting a baby, his spokeswoman told CNN Wednesday."The vice president and Mrs. Cheney are looking forward with eager anticipation to the arrival of their sixth granddaughter," spokeswoman Lee Ann McBride said.

McBride said Cheney and her partner of 15 years, Heather Poe, are expecting the baby in late spring.

Mary Cheney, who is a forceful advocate for the permission of same-sex marriage, served as an aide to her father during the 2004 campaign. -- CNN Correspondent Mary Snow Posted 12/06/2006 02:22:00 PM

7:21 AM

Kristin said...

This is a long way from eggnog, but I think that there is hope for Dick Cheney yet - and it will be thanks to his daughter.

9:23 AM