Just like that, we have a foundation for our addition. Miguel spent the evening giving us high fives because, “They are really building on”. He’s been a bit skeptical about the process but, now, he is a believer. Me, well, I’m not so sure. I am biologically predisposed to anxiety and I am an overachiever. As you can imagine, this is not a good combination. Last night, I said to Luisa, “Well, there’s no turning back now” even though I know that the “no turning back point” would have been before we got rid of the realtor, refinanced the house, hired the contractor, tore off the back of the house and dug the giant hole in the backyard. She looked at me blankly and I could see that she was trying to compute the most reassuring response. She made a slight tactical error by starting with, “Well, I did think it was going to be bigger…” but recovered quickly and followed with, “It is going to be great...it’s so exciting…I can’t wait…”
This whole process has made me realize that I am a person who really likes to keep all available options open. I am not indecisive – I enjoy possibility. I am happiest when faced with the fork in the road. I would like to set up camp at the fork in the road and have cheese and crackers and a nice Bairrada. I could be a one woman Chamber of Commerce for Forks in the Road. But, alas, I can’t really stay there…too much noise and traffic.
I know we made the right choice when we decided to stay and build onto our house. After a childhood filled with constant moves, I am tied to a place for the first time in my life. It grounds me. I cannot imagine leaving our home, the park, our friends and our history as a couple and as a family. It’s time to move forward and to allow my anxiety to give way to joy about the new possibilities in our house. I know this will come in time…too bad I’m also impatient.