Last night, I woke up at 2 a.m. Maybe I woke up because I was hot. Or maybe because the cat was taking up too much room and I couldn't turn over. Or maybe because I had a double espresso at 4 p.m. Or maybe all those things conspired against me. The point is I woke up at 2 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep.
At first, I tried to get comfortable again because I was convinced that I was going to go back to sleep. I focused on my body and breathing and all those things I imagine people who are calm and meditative do in such situations but I was hot and then I was cold and the cat was snoring and my hip hurt and Luisa was breathing and my brain was like, "Wheeeee! Let's think about all the things!"
I thought of things I need to do and then I thought of things I want to do and then I thought about the money I would need in order to do the things I want to do and then I thought about where I might be able to get the money to do the things I want to do and then I began creating a mental list of my marketable skills and when the list was shorter than I wanted it to be, I started questioning every life choice I have made since I was 7. My brain said, "Well, if you had become a veterinarian artist race care driver like you had planned, maybe you would be able to buy flannel shirts in every color!" And I tried to tell my brain that I thought a lot of crazy things when I was 7 - like I might grow up and marry a man - but my brain ignored me and said, "Now let's think about all the things you have yet to accomplish and let me also remind you that you are now 48. Tick tock. Time is running out."
As you can see, I was pretty busy from 2 a.m. to 4:30 a.m. which is when I grabbed a blanket and went to sleep on the couch because sometimes a change of scenery helps and because I'm not a veterinarian artist race car driver and have to settle for the couch rather than Hawaii. The couch is comfy so I was able to get comfortable fairly quickly despite the cat joining me to protect me from loneliness and/or freedom of movement.
And then everyone in the house woke up at 6 a.m. to get ready for the day.
As Luisa came down to make the coffee, I told her I was going back to bed and dragged my blanket and pillow back upstairs. I had just gotten comfortable when Miguel began to yell, "Hey guys! What's the weather like? Should I wear shorts? Guys! Are you listening! GUYS!" I dozed off for a few minutes and then awoke to a long, drawn out conversation between the kids in the hallway outside my door. They never talk to each other in the morning but today was a magical day! After their voices faded, I snuggled into the comforter and felt like Goldilocks once everything was just right and then Zeca began playing the Star Wars theme on the recorder. Help me Obi Wan Kenobi. You are my only hope. And someone did open my door and bound into the room but it was not Obi Wan Kenobi but Miguel who pounced on the bed to tell me he loved me and to "HAVE A GOOD DAY!"
And that's why I am exhausted. On the upside, we are heading to Miguel's parent/teacher conferences and if anyone can understand why I might be exhausted, it would be his teachers.