When Apple Music came out, I was excited to give it a try with the free three month trial. I love music and have eclectic taste and this seemed like the perfect, all you can eat musical buffet. I also have this habit of listening to a song on repeat until I'm tired of it and then never listening to it again which means that I have bought music because "Oh my god! This is the best song EVAH!" and then two months later thought to myself, "What the hell is this song and why is it on all my playlists?" Well, my free trial is over and I still have it and Luisa suggested that maybe I didn't really need it and I pretended that I couldn't hear her and if she is reading this right now, I want to say to her, "Hello! I love you! I have no recollection of us ever having discussed the possibility of canceling Apple Music but I will give it some very serious thought."
The other benefit of this is that I have access to any song the kids could possibly want to listen to without having to purchase it. That means that during trips to soccer practice they can shout out a song and I can ask Siri to play it and I don't have to take my eyes off the road. Then, through the miracle of technology, Siri plays the song. It's magic, I tell ya.
Recently, Luisa and I were both taking Zeca to soccer and she suggested a song from the back seat and I was all, "I got you, baby girl."
"Siri, play Bed of Lies by Nicki Minaj."
Here's the thing about Siri--she has very poor judgement.
The song started and I said, "This is good! I love it!" and we were all swaying and then Nicki Minaj started rapping and the lyrics seemed a little drug-focused but it was still pretty and then this happened:
Cause I was doing it for us, I told 'em fuck the public
And that was just the beginning of an F-word avalanche.
Luisa was horrified and began delivering a treatise about the use of profanity in pop music and I was trying to defend myself and explain that I had never let the kids listen to that song before and Zeca yelled helpfully from the back seat, "Yeah, you did, mom. We listened to it last week!" and I insisted that we had listened to Grand Piano and she said, "Yes and then Bed of Lies." Luisa shook her head at me and during all of this, I was fumbling with my phone trying to turn off the song but I kept mistyping my security code so it continued playing--F bombs everywhere.
One might argue that I am the boss of Siri and because I am quite familiar with Nicki Minaj's music, I should have known better but I still blame Siri for all of this. I later asked Siri to play Bed of Lies (What? I like it!) but specified the clean version and she ignored me. Siri doesn't care about clean or explicit. She's just sitting there in the phone like, "Fine. Whatever. Here--have some Nicki Minaj. My coffee break was supposed to start 10 minutes ago and I have to ask myself where the nearest Starbucks is."
So, be careful out there parents because Siri just doesn't give a fuck. Actually, she gives lots of them.