Summoning the Muse
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I am a serious writer and I write very serious things. I am also a person who wants to help other writers because I am a kind and generous person. So, I am going to give you a peek into my own writing process with the hope that you might be able to find wisdom in my example. I have an essay due tomorrow and, today, I needed to spin gold from straw. That's a saying, right? If not, I just made it up! See - writer!
So, how do I summon the Muse? Here is my advice based on my own experience today:
- Sit down at desk. Stare out the window and notice the window is dirty. Tell yourself that cleaning the window would be a waste of your writing time so clean your glasses instead.
- Spin chair from left to right while staring at the computer screen. Spin 360 degrees but only once because serious writers do not spin in their chairs like children.
- Stare at screen and lick your lips. Your lips are chapped. Go find some lip balm.
- Apply lip balm generously. Spin one more time in chair because you forgot you already spun in the chair.
- Go downstairs and get a can of sparkling water and then return to your desk.
- Drink sparkling water and play one game of Candy Crush. Only one.
- Okay...play two games of Candy Crush.
- Google "Level 245 Candy Crush is killing me" and feel at one with the citizens of the internet.
- Write 159 words. Reread those words over and over until you hate them.
- Delete 147 words because the other 12 are brilliant!
- Where's the cat? Find the cat and wake it up and give it unwanted kisses.
- Reread the 12 words. Realize they are horrible. You are a hack! Those are the worst 12 words ever written! Delete the 12 words.
- Text a friend to tell her how much you hate what you are writing.
- Visit calm.com and watch rolling waves and then think about downloading the app on your phone.
- Pick up your phone to download the app and notice you have a new life in Candy Crush! Resist the temptation. Put the phone out of reach.
- Stare at computer screen and then, when you hear screaming, mediate a fight between children. Source of fight? Stolen stick of gum. Tell the children to be quiet because you are writing!
- Write 223 words. You are hitting your stride! Don't stop now!
- While staring at your hands on the keyboard, notice that your nails are long. Trim nails. While in the bathroom, redo your hair.
- Notice it's cold. Ponder the age-old question - blanket or poncho? The answer is always blanket because you don't have a poncho. Ponchos are funny. Giggle about ponchos.
- Remember that you promised to blog every day. Stop working on the essay and blog!
- Try to remember what you were doing...