I had minor surgery yesterday. I can write about it now because it's over and everything is fine and nobody has to feel obligated to worry or say, "OMG What's wrong?" or "Are you okay?" or "Do you have extra pain meds to share?" I'm only writing about it because it led to some funny little stories and you know I can't resist a funny little story. That said, I will also admit that I'm still feeling groggy and weird today even though I am drug-free so I have no idea if any of this will make sense or be funny to anyone but me. Is that enough of a disclaimer? Hopefully.
1. When I had my pre-op phone call with the nurse, she gave me a list of instructions like "take a shower before surgery", "don't use deodorant", "don't wear any jewelry", "bring your insurance card and ID", "bring your living will", and "leave valuable personal belongings at home."
I said, "I have to ask a stupid question." She gave the predictable response, "There are no stupid questions." I said, "Well, I really want to have my phone with me but my partner will be joining me later so I won't be able to hand it off to her." She said, "Oh no. You shouldn't bring your phone." I did not like this answer and I realized that I was more upset about her telling me that I couldn't bring my phone than I was about the fact that she told me to bring my living will. Blog life priorities!
2. When I was getting prepped for surgery, I was sitting with the admitting nurse filling out paperwork and answering questions. As is my usual modus operandi, I was trying to engage her and make her laugh so that I would be her favorite patient of the day. People pleasing is serious biz, y'all. She was a tough cookie though, very professional and very Minnesotan which meant that she was resistant to my charm. Finally, I said, "Sharon. I gotta ask you about this deodorant thing. Why would they tell me I couldn't wear deodorant when they'll be working on my uterus. I mean, if they are in my arm pits, they are seriously off course."
And with that, I broke through.
She laughed hysterically and then proceeded to retell my little joke to the endless stream of people that came into the room. I won. It's always good to win pre-op!
3. When I woke up after surgery, I remember only two things that Luisa said.
"I have pictures of your uterus!"
"I fixed a typo in your blog post."
Such is the life of a blogger.
4. Last night, I was still a little dopey but I was helping Zeca write a letter to her friend when we had the following exchange.
Zeca: "How do you spell represents?"
Zeca: "Mama? You stopped."
Vikki: "Oh sorry. "s..."
Zeca: "Another 's'?"
Vikki: "What? No. Only one 's'."
Zeca: "Mama, did the surgery take out all your thoughts?"
It would seem so.
So, there you have it. All my funny stories from the day...or at least the ones I can remember.
And let's all be thankful that I have returned to my right mind (mostly) and did not set the featured image of this post to one of those pictures of my uterus that Luisa was so excited about.
PHOTO CREDIT:UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA