We went to the Mall of America on the day after Christmas. I'm not exactly sure why we did this other than the fact that we had family visiting and it seemed like the thing to do. Not surprisingly, the mall was very crowded and it was like a consumer-driven version of the Running of the Bulls but with fewer pointy bull horns and less Spanish.
We stopped into Barnes and Noble at one point to buy some new books for the children and I decided that I would buy a book for myself as part of my Read More in 2013 campaign.
Confession: I don't read much. I used to and then I met the internet and found that reading short strings of words online and watching YouTube videos of toy commercials from the 1980's is an easy way to blow through hours of precious leisure time.
Deborah had suggested a few books to me (because she hoped to stop referring to me as her "dumb friend with a thing for Monchichis") and I decided to pick up Stephen King's book, "On Writing". This book would make me feel readerly and writerly.
So, Luisa picked out a couple of books for the kids and I picked up Stephen King's book and we fought through the crowds of bulls to pay for our books and leave.
I didn't pick up the book again until several weeks later and, when I did, I noted that the cover felt funny.
Me: Luisa! Feel this book. It feels funny.
Luisa stared at me for a few moments as she processed my request in light of past requests to "Smell this weird thing!" and "This is awful! Taste it!"
Luisa: What do you mean it feels funny?
Me: The cover has a weird feel. Just touch it.
Luisa (finally touching the book): Yeah, it does feel a little weird.
Vikki: I can't stand touching it so I can't read the book.
Luisa just stared at me.
Luisa: Just don't touch the cover.
Vikki: You can't read a book without touching the cover. Maybe I could wear gloves.
Vikki: If I wear gloves, how will I turn the pages?
Then, I remembered that my sister had bought me some light cotton gloves for Christmas. I guess you put lotion on your hands and wear the little gloves to moisturize them or something.
I ran upstairs and found the gloves and put them on and returned to my book. The gloves protected me from the funny feeling of the cover!
It has been several weeks since I started reading the book, however. What Deborah assured me was a "quick read" has turned into the time-sucking equivalent of "War and Peace" because, even though I can't feel the cover while wearing my gloves, I know it's all weird and icky. Plus, it is hard to turn the pages with gloves on.
All of this has led me to the conclusion that sometimes you really can judge a book by its cover and I am judging you and your book, Stephen King.
Since the reading is going so slowly, I think I'm going to have to ask Luisa to read it to me.
I'm sure that idea will go over well.