Do you know the Muffin Man? I do not and I do not understand that rhyme because we never really get any answers about the Muffin Man, just more questions and a vague address. I worry that the nursery rhyme actually promotes stalking of the Muffin Man and, though he confounds me, I do not want strangers showing up on Drury Lane looking for him. But...I digress.
During the first week of my unemployment/retirement/new lease on life, I decided to make muffins. I had 3 overripe bananas and I can't just keep putting overripe bananas in the freezer for the smoothies I never make. I suppose I could get a monkey to eat the freezer bananas but I don't have the energy for a monkey. So, I ran to the store for some chocolate chips and rushed home to make muffins.
Then, I realized that I needed 2 cups of flour and I looked in my flour bin and saw that I didn't have 2 cups of flour. I didn't have time to go to the store again before picking up the kids so - no muffins. (Lesson 1: Always check that you have all the ingredients before you begin a baking project.)
The next day, I went to the co-op to get flour. I went into the bulk aisle which seemed crowded in an unsettling "baking for the apocalypse" kinda way and there was a woman vacuuming up all the bulk baking supplies and the floor was looking pristine. I say this because I promptly got bulk flour all over the floor. White flour on green carpet and I was holding the scoop. The apocalyptic bakers stared at me, judging me and the flour poof at my feet.
When I got home, I assembled all of my ingredients and you know what? It turns out that I had 2 1/2 cups of flour and hadn't needed the new flour at all. (Lesson 2: Measure things before you assume you do not have enough.)
Then, I began making the muffins...but I was also tweeting a couple of friends at the same time. (Lesson 3: Don't bake and tweet.)
They were taunting me and doubting my muffin-making abilities and I got rattled and forgot to mash the bananas before adding them to the egg so this happened:
I posted that picture on twitter and then they made fun of the fact that I was mixing with a tiny fork. (Lesson 4: Don't post pictures of your baking project to twitter because of the mocking.)
Whatever. I knew exactly what I was doing!
So, I kept measuring and adding and creating and, probably because I was starting to doubt myself, this happened:
I cleaned off the fork and added the dry ingredients and chocolate chips and the batter tasted delicious. I know...you are not supposed to eat batter with raw eggs in it but let's face it - eating batter with raw eggs is like the base jumping of middle age. I am a thrill seeker!
I lined my muffin cups and poured the batter in and baked them and they all turned out beautifully! Then, I needed to take them out of the muffin pans and put them on the counter too cool but here is the thing - I have sensitive fingers. I couldn't pull them from the pan with my bare hands and I couldn't use a towel because I need more fine motor control than a towel will allow. This is where I admit that I often ask Luisa to handle my muffins. But I couldn't rely on Luisa this time because she was in Angola and her hands were with her.
So, I decided I would just flip the muffins out onto the counter and then nudge them over as needed. I felt this was a brilliant and fool-proof plan...and then this happened:
As for the muffins? They were absolutely delicious. The kids came home and asked why the house smelled so wonderful and I waved my hand over a the counter to show them what I had made for them and they were very impressed. Thank goodness they don't read twitter.
I may not know the Muffin Man but I'm pretty sure that I'll be getting an invitation to live on Drury Lane any day now. (Lesson 8: Dream big.)