There comes a time in a boy's life when he wants and needs deodorant. In an ideal world, the needing and wanting occur at the same time. It's horrible when there is a need but not a want and ridiculous when there is a want but not a need. We were fortunate that the stars aligned in our son's mind and arm pits.
Miguel recently requested deodorant and we thought that was a fantastic idea what with all the soccer and martial arts and push ups and sit ups and general jock-like behavior.
I know...I have written a lot about deodorant. You might even be starting to wonder if I have a deodorant fetish. Personally, I just wonder why I don't have some big time deodorant endorsement deal. But I digress. Let's get back to our deodorant situation.
I wear Sure (mint lemongrass scent) and Luisa wears Speedstick (ocean surf). I knew that I couldn't convince Miguel to wear my deodorant but Luisa's is men's deodorant so I thought he could just use hers for awhile but no - he wanted his own. I told him that I would just pick something up for him and he said that he wanted to pick it out himself and I told him if he waited until we could go together he would probably have a Master's degree and a wife and a new baby and he decided that he was fine with me picking something up for him.
I went to my old haunt, the deodorant aisle at Target, and decided that the best way to pick out deodorant for a pre-teen boy was to find the one with the flashiest packaging and the worst smell. I knew that I needed something that reminded me of the high school boys of my youth, something that smelled like Trying Too Hard. So I began my sniffing marathon with Speed Stick, steered clear of Old Spice and quickly made my way to Axe. When I smelled Axe Anarchy, I knew I had found the most horrifically perfect scent for my son.
When Miguel got home from school, I handed him the deodorant and his eyes grew wide - he loved the look of it. Then, he popped off the lid, took a deep drag and sighed dreamily, "Mom...it's perfect."
I am a deodorant savante.
He quickly rubbed some in his arm pits and took it up to his room. Later, when I called him to dinner, he came to the table without a shirt and wearing only his underwear.
He had never come to the table in his underwear. Ever.
Me: Hello? Where are your clothes?
Miguel: I don't want to wear any.
Me: You can't sit at the table in your underwear!
Miguel: Why? What's the big deal?
Me: BECAUSE YOU DON'T EAT DINNER IN YOUR UNDERWEAR.
Zeca: Dude, it's gross.
Miguel (sighing dramatically): Mom! Why do you always have to make a big deal of everything?
He went back upstairs, got dressed and returned to the table where we ate in silence.
And that's when I knew...it was the deodorant. It was ANARCHY! I'm going back to Target to look for Axe Obedience and I know it will smell so sweet.