Sometimes at the Casa de Reich-Brandão, we playe a little game I call “TryToGetOutOfMyClutchesThoughYouWillNotBeAbleToBecauseIAmOmnipotentBWAHHAHA” or "Zee Greep". For those of you not fluent in Fake French, "Zee Greep" translates roughly to "The Grip" in Real English. The game involves me lying on the couch and then wrapping my legs and arms tightly around a child and they must then use whatever strength they have to escape. Intermittently, I yell out, “You will never escape Zee Greep!” and laugh maniacally while they writhe helplessly within my grasp. The kids love it! I should probably start renting myself out to parties. Kids’ parties, not the kind where I would have to jump out of a cake wearing skimpy lingerie. Also, no lap dances.
So, last night, our friends Raquel and Susan came over with their daughter, Luca. After dinner, we were just sitting around staring at each other so I suggested we play "Zee Greep". Let me give you a play be play…
Match 1: Luca (age Seven) vs. Zee Greep
Zee Greep tightens and Luca laughs hysterically before getting down to the business of the struggle. She squirms but cannot break free. Her parents yell for her to use her Dragon Breath to break Zee Greep. Zee Greep proves impervious to this and she eventually requests to be released.
Match 2: Zeca (age Four) vs. Zee Greep
Zeca is wrapped in Zee Greep and immediately begins to scream that she cannot breathe (despite the fact that there are inches between her and Zee Greep's arms). She yells and begs for help and continues to complain and finally begs to be released. She implies that Zee Greep is suffocating her and Zee Greep considers legal action against her. Slander! She is quickly released...and then asks for another turn.
Match 3: Miguel (age Eight) vs. Zee Greep
Miguel is an experienced fighter of Zee Greep and a great challenge. He becomes locked in Zee Greep and begins to use his brute strength and flexibility to wiggle and loosen Zee Greep. He gets an arm loose and pries open the fingers of Zee Greep. Eventually, he bucks and throws his weight towards the floor. He falls with Zee Greep onto the floor which further loosens the hold. He finally frees his upper body and begins to use his arms to push Zee Greep further down his body. After an extended battle, Zee Greep is broken and left exhausted on the living room floor while Miguel does excessive fist pumping and something that Zee Greep can only assume is a victory dance…or possession.
Match 3: Susan (age Old Lady) vs. Zee Greep
Zee Greep wraps around Susan who begins to laugh hysterically which renders her helpless. Then, as she finds her strength and begins to fight, she drools in the eye of Zee Greep who becomes as hysterical as Lucy when Snoopy licks her face. The match is called off because there should never be an exchange of body fluids in Zee Greep.
Match 4: Susan (age Old Lady) vs. Zee Greep
The match begins and Zee Greep is nervous about drool. Susan continues to laugh as she fights to free herself. Then, she drools directly on the neck of Zee Greep. Zee Greep releases her immediately and refuses to ever Greep her again. Zee Greep’s t-shirt should not be covered in saliva at the end of a match…and yet it is.
Luisa and Raquel refused to take on Zee Greep because they knew that “No one escapes Zee Greep!” Well, almost no one.
Zee Greep: 4, Opponents: 1