About a year ago, Zeca developed a sudden fear of ants, mice and bees. This was easily remedied by the use of Ant Spray which, you may be surprised to hear, also protects children from mice and bees. The name of this miraculous product is Suave Detangling Spray and you can read our testimonial here. Zeca's phobias were eventually cured by a change of scenery. Yes, that's right - our trip to Portugal seemed to rid her of her fears. Recently, however, she developed a fear of foxes. We asked her why but she couldn't give a particular reason and we learned from the Great Bug Fears of 2008 that the reason is ultimately unimportant. We now know how to handle strange phobias and quickly suggested that Fox Spray might be the answer and she agreed. The only problem was that we could not use the Suave Detangling Spray because it was specific to ants, mice and bees. So, we had to find something else and the only other thing in the cabinet was this:
Luisa grabbed the OFF! and sprayed her room using the most impressive faux spraying sound I've ever heard. She sprayed the closet, the window, the doorway, the woodwork, around the bed and the world map because, apparently, the world map is a particularly dangerous fox portal. Zeca was satisfied and drifted off to sleep. This went on for a couple of weeks before things began to get complicated. One night, Luisa had an evening meeting and I had to do the Fox Spray. I began to spray, mustering my best "PSSSSSSSSSSSST" sound and Zeca said, "What is that noise?!" I said, "That's the sound of the Fox Spray". She said, "Huh uh. That's not right. That's not how it sounds." I insisted and she contested and finally she said, "Please have Mãe do the Fox Spray when she gets back because I don't think yours will work." Luisa became the Fox Spray Administrator which was fine by me. A few nights later, Zeca asked to see the bottle of Fox Spray. I knew if she saw the bottle she would recognize that it was bug spray so I had to think fast. I said, "I'm sorry honey. I can't let you see it because it has a picture of a fox on the front." She said, "So. I want to see it." I shook my head gravely and said, "No. I can't allow it because the picture of the fox is too scary. TOO SCARY." She eyed me suspiciously but let it go. Well, this past weekend, Luisa and Miguel went to the cabin and Zeca and I stayed home. I knew that we were going to have the Fox Spray issue so I offered to let her sleep with me because I may suck at spraying for foxes but I repel them like nobody's business. After our first night sleeping together, we had a lovely breakfast and then went to Target. We were walking down the aisle and right smack dab in front of us was a gigantic display of OFF! Zeca shouted, "Mama! Look! They sell Fox Spray at Target!"
The little shit knows it's bug spray. She knows and yet we all engage in this annoying charade.