It's been fairly quiet around here, so, how have you all been? I'd ask about the weather but you would probably tell me that it's been in the 80's wherever you are and you've been hanging out in shorts and a t-shirt drinking chardonnay on the lanai. You know I don't want to hear that because I am a Bitter Inhabitant of the Tundra, a BIT for short or (more accurately) a BITty. Anyway, I've been kinda busy lately with my day job and, when I'm busy at my day job, it sucks the life right out of me. Don't think for a minute, though, that I have not had bloggin' on my mind. I have. I've been thinking about how much I hate the new design (I feel that the header is too big and pushes the text too far down) and about those two remaining posts that I promised (neurons and lying for financial gain - see, I haven't forgotten). Tonight, however, I want to discuss lemon scones. So, have a cup of tea or a shot of whatever gets you through and listen while I spin you a tale. I have this work wife, Kristin, she is small and very funny. I'm kidding...the beginning of the sentence sounded like a Charlie and Lola book and I went with it. Kristin is very funny but she's not small. I mean...she's not big or anything but she's not as small as Lola who is a little kid. You may have realized that I am in that mood...you know the one where I amuse myself with tangents. So smart, you are. Ha! Now, I'm channeling Yoda which is always good for a laugh. Anyway, back to the work wife...we discuss Very Important County Business, like what excuses we are going to use to avoid a meeting, and we go for walks in the skyways. Sometimes, we go for sushi (almost every day actually because Kristin's got a habit). Sometimes, we go to the candy store for Jelly Bellies (more often that I'd like to admit - I have a habit). Sometimes, we go to Starbucks for coffee (because we both have habits). One time, many years ago, we walked to Starbucks and Kristin bought a lemon scone. We then headed back to the office and, while walking, she took a bite of the scone and said something like, "Oh my god! This tastes like shit! It's stale!" She was outraged because she had paid a pretty penny for it. I said, "I would take that back if I were you! I would march right in there and explain that it is stale and demand a refund!" Kristin was like, "You would?!" I said firmly, "Absolutely." So, we turned around and marched back to Starbucks and Kristin told the surly manager that her scone was stale and demanded a refund. The manager argued with her a little bit and said that it couldn't be stale or some such nonsense and, honestly, I can't remember if Kristin got a refund or not. What I remember is that we walked out of Starbucks and I started laughing and said, "I can't believe you did that. I never would have done that." Kristin said, "Are you kidding me?! You told me to do it." Oh, how we laughed. I love this story so much and it has become part of the short hand that Kristin and I use frequently in our conversations. For example...
Advice: "I would tell them that they cannot come visit because it would be too stressful. I would send them a kind but firm e-mail and make it clear."
Response: "Really? Or is this a lemon scone?"
Advice: "You should tell your supervisor that he is micro-managing you and that he's too intense."
Response: "No way, you are just lemon sconing me!"
The lemon scone sorts out the real advice from bravado and, as you can see above, can even be used as a verb. This is exciting stuff that I am sharing with you. It's like you are now part of a secret society, a very cool secret society based on baked goods. Now that you are in on the code, feel free to use this little phrase as needed. In fact, I triple dog dare you to use lemon scone in at least one or two conversations that you have in the next couple of days and then report back here. I would do it. No, really...I would. This is no lemon scone.