Let Me Entertain You

Awhile back, my friend Amy typed my blog address into some sort of analysis thingamajig that gives the writer a personality type and I received the following:  

ESFP - The Performers

The entertaining and friendly type. They are especially attuned to pleasure and beauty and like to fill their surroundings with soft fabrics, bright colors and sweet smells. They live in the present moment and don´t like to plan ahead - they are always in risk of exhausting themselves.


That part about living in the moment is crazy talk but the rest seems like a pretty good fit for me and my little blog. I do think of myself as the "entertaining and friendly" type but it's pretty darn easy to appear extroverted when you are sitting at home alone typing up random thoughts to amuse yourself and a group of people that you probably won't meet. I put my best self forward here but I've gotta come clean folks...this is all smoke and mirrors. If you were to meet me in real life, you might very well walk away thinking, "Huh...I thought she'd be funnier...and taller". I can be witty and extroverted and clever in person but the conditions must be absolutely perfect. Like, it has to be the 14th day of a month beginning with the letter "A" and the temperature is about 63 degrees and winds are out of the east at 2 miles per hour. What does this mean in practical terms? Well, it means that I must know you well already or I must be in my cups. If both of these should occur at the same time, sit back and enjoy the show - it will likely look like I am playing charades by myself and I will entertain you until you wish that I would just stop already with the entertainin' (Hi Luisa!). If the conditions are poor and I don't know you very well, let me apologize right now because I will squirm uncomfortably and might even say something completely inappropriate. You will likely feel sorry for me or think I am a bitch. There are documented cases of both reactions to my awkwardness. Let me just say, really, it's me - not you. I've been thinking about this because, on Friday, I went to Zeca's open house at school and ran into a lovely woman who had recently read my blog and she said all of these really nice things to me which made me act like a weirdo because I am horrible at small talk and I am shy and I don't take compliments very well. In those moments, I wish I was like Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie and that I could blink my eyes and go back to my bottle with all the big fluffy pillows...


  Jeannie's Bottle  

...except I would have the The Lesbian Genie Bottle and there would be futons and batik and at least one Georgia O'Keefe print and the whole joint would smell like patchouli and would be stocked with Tofutti Cuties and it would look more like this...


 The Lesbian Genie Bottle


Because I am not a lesbian genie, however, I am faced with two options in real social situations like the one I faced at school: 1)The Shoe Stare and Nervous Laughter or 2) The Mid-Conversation Bolt. I went with #1 because the hall was really crowded and I do know that knocking people out of the way to make an escape is never endearing. So, if you should meet me in public, please have compassion and know that I do really write this blog. I have a friendly extrovert inside me...it just can't get out all the time - it's probably sitting around watching Cagney & Lacey reruns and knitting hemp socks.