What? No Sex?

wanted23.jpgWe are standing in a dark room. There are a few empty tables between us. She is wearing dark sunglasses despite the fact that the restaurant is lit only by candles. She looks quite hot but I suspect that she is here to kill me which she confirms in a sexy whisper. This is Angelina Jolie as Kickass Assassin. Because she is kind, she tells me I can have a head start so that it is more of a challenge for her. I stand there, a small handgun in my right hand, and I start planning my escape. She grows irritated that I have not taken off and opens her coat, pulling out a semi-automatic weapon to encourage me to move a bit faster. I take off running and she starts shooting. She is running after me and shooting continuously but, just like in the movies, she never hits me. I run into the M & M store in New York City and it appears that I have lost her. I run up an escalator and see my friend Kris who is apparently the Willy Wonka of the M & M store. She offers me candy. I explain that I am bit short on time because I am being chased by an assassin and she points to a back exit. I am running again and Angelina has caught up with me. She is still shooting at me but, damn, she looks good. I know that I can't escape. I know that she will get me eventually. The next thing I know, my dead father comes over and offers me a birthday frittata. There is a single candle lit and he begins to sing but, as he brings the frittata closer so that I can blow out the candle, he sets my bangs on fire. There is that smell...the smell of burning hair. I urgently pat my forehead and scream, "Dad! You set my fucking bangs on fire!" I run to the bathroom and put water on my hair. When I look at myself in the mirror, I look just like Eddie Munster.

Then, I woke up. Such a relief...I wouldn't have wanted Angie to see my hair like that.