To: Major RetailersEverywhere, USA
From: Vikki Reich Minneapolis, MN
To whom it may concern,
When I go to your store to shop for Halloween costumes, miniature candy bars and scary cauldrons, I do not want to see Santa's ass sticking out of a chimney. No one should ever be able to buy a Halloween costume and Christmas tree at the same time. It's wrong, WRONG, I say. It seems that you have forgotten that Halloween is in October and Christmas is in December. I know that math can be difficult, so, I wanted to let you know that Christmas is actually three months away. Three months. So, please free Santa from that chimney and send him back to the North Pole. Mrs. Claus needs help with the Trick or Treaters.
Vikki Reich, Marketing Critic Extraordinaire